Village of Women

The Astra Film Festival, screening documentaries from all over the world, is the one event I am waiting for, the whole year. Since I want to push myself to write more, I have decided that I will not watch another movie until I have finished writing about the previous one.

This has definitely led to me watching fewer movies and writing more articles, but more importantly, being mindful about what I see and how I integrate the information. You can read the article for the first documentary here: Half Elf

I chose the second documentary, Village of Women, having in mind the retreat on femininity and sexuality I am organising next weekend because it depicts the life of women in a village from Armenia where all the men leave 9 months a year to work in Russia.

I can relate to this situation, because my parents immigrated to Spain when I was 14 years old and lived there for 13 years while me and my brother decided to stay in Romania.

I can understand the sacrifice and the pain the parents go through when they leave their kids behind and I also understand the need for affection and the loneliness a partner or a child might feel.

The movie focuses on the life of the women that live in that village, which is not an easy life. Women as young as 17 are given to an arranged marriage, where they might be married for as much as a month and then the husband would go to Russia to work, only to return during the winter.

How can you build a relationship in these conditions? And when they would get used to their husbands, and love would kindle, they would suffer from being separated.

One of women was addmitting that when her husband would come back, she felt like he was a stranger, and I completely relate to that. When I would see my parents after a long time, it took me a while to accommodate myself to them. I think I would shut down the hurt of not being with them by distancing myself from the relationship. Because being apart from the person you love hurts the most.

I am in a long distance relationship and I have my fears of committing to it. But seeing this documentary made me realise that I do not want to keep on struggling and spend that much time apart.

In the absence of their husbands, the women take it upon themselves to work the fields, take care of the animals, take care of the kids and do all the house chores.

They are doing the work of the man and the work of the woman, they are being a mother and a father as well, a sister and a brother, a daughter and a son. They give everything they have, not having much left in return to make them feel alive, to see the meaning in their life.

In one part of the movie, while the kids are fast asleep, one woman is watching TV and there is a song playing. She felt like dancing, and she does it, but feeling like she does not deserve it: „If my husband would see me…”

This was so sad to witness. There is space only for struggle, for hard work, not much for pleasure in their lives. There is no space for life choices, one of the women admitted that she wanted to go to university but then she was married off. They have no choice whom they marry and they cannot choose to have their husbands by their side either.

While I was seeing it, seeing the struggles of the women and the struggle of the men, being apart of their family, I thought to myself: „This is no life!”

And realised that if you can choose to be close to your partner and kids, you are privileged. If you can find work in our country and don’t need to immigrate in order to survive, then you are privileged. If you can continue your education and marry out of love, then you are privileged.

Seeing the little girls, that are growing up in this village and thinking about what awaits them makes me feel sad. Though I know that women have a huge capacity to endure, to be resilient, to face adversity, I wish for them to have a better life, to have the conditions they need in order to thrive.

In one scene, the mother was ironing on the floor her small daughter clothes’ to go to school. On the T-shirt it was written: Girls can change the world.And I think that scene is so powerful, because by investing in girls education, giving them the chance to choose when and whom to get married to, when and with whom to have children, we can actually benefit from what they have to offer to the world.

And one other scene remains with me, where one of the girls is washing the dishes and on a broken radio, when the song comes back up, she dances, still enjoying her childhood.

I thought that as years go by, will she have the same fate as her mother?When she would be an adult, would she see the innocence and the hope for a better life, in her dance?

Dil you do that?

It’s Saturday afternoon and I am still in bed. I keep having erotic dreams so I just go back to sleep and continue where I left them before waking up. I continue with this until I cannot sleep anymore and wake up with an intense yearning in my body.

I start massaging my clitoris slowly, eyes closed and nothing in mind but the circular movement which brings a temporary soothing to the painful need of feeling him inside of me. The covers feel soft on by body since I got used to sleeping naked.

When I see that this is not enough, I call him on the phone. He answers and he tells me he is walking towards the office. It’s Saturday for chrissakes, he’s been working so hard the past few weeks to complete his project. He left without waking me up, left me breakfast near my bed and a sweet note. All I wanted was to feel his kiss on my lips.

After his answer, I hang up. I don’t give him the time to overthink it because I call again with video and he picks up. He can see my legs, my curvy stomach, my long hair resting, ondulating from my breast to my ribs and my hips. And my hand massaging my pussy!

– Baby, I am walking on the street!

I don’t say anything, I am sure the chances of him meeting somebody he knows are slim, we just moved here for the project. He sees that I continue with this, and just looks, with hot desire in his eyes. It feels exciting to know that there might be people on the street seeing over his shoulder, but my head is not visible and it is exciting to see him looking at me like that.

I put my hand inside my panties and I slide one of my fingers inside, it feels good, I keep on exploring, touching the soft walls of my vagina. I am already completely wet, and I put the phone closer so that he can hear the sound of me giving myself pleasure.

– Baby, why are you doing this to me? I am walking on the street with a big erection!

I see him entering the building of his office and I close the call. I soon after text him: „I am waiting for you to come inside of me!”

I put the phone down and just start to caress myself slowly, on my legs, my stomach, my breasts and it feels good! There is nothing pressing me and I have the entire day to myself, I know he won’t be home until late at night. And when he comes, he is usually so tired that I feel bad asking him for more, he just crashes in the bed, as I help him to undress so he can sleep comfortably.

I finally get up, grab some panties, put on the Tshirt he wore in the morning, not before smelling it for a bit and feeling excited all over again with the thought of him. I go slowly to the kitchen and put some water to boil so that I can have my hot lemon water to start my day.

I start cutting my fruits for a late breakfast, smelling them and enjoying their vibrant colours. I go to the table and start eating slowly, while I listen to a podcast on writing. I have big plans for today, I will continue writing on my book. I take my time eating the fruits, much more than I actually needed, because my brain knew it had to start wrtiting afterwards. I go to the sink and start cleaning my bowl.

Out of the sudden, the door opens and then shuts back quickly with a thud, my hands freeze tightly holding on the sponge and the bowl. My first thought was that I am going to hit him with the bowl, whoever that was. There is nobody else with a key to our appartment and my gut is all in a knot.

As I see his figure appearing, I was ready to give a loud cry but realising it was him, I almost relaxed. Almost, because he came straight to me like a storm, took my head into his hands and started kissing me furiously.

I let everything fall into the sink with the intention to embrace him, but I had no time since he abruptly stopped, ripped the Tshirt off me and turned my whole body to face the counter of our bar. His hands went between mine and were already gripping my breasts, with a hunger which stirred everything inside me.

He started kissing the back of my neck, then to the side, going up until my ear and resting there for a bit. My entire back followed suit as he was going down along my spine. His hands carressed my stomach as they reached my hips and then pulled my panties ever so slowly, while kissing every single piece of my skin on the way down.

As my panties went to the floor, he lifted my legs, one by one, to release them. As he got up, he caressed my calves, kissed the back of my knees, grabbed my thighs and slapped my bottocks several times, until they got red with pain and pleasure. I was anticipating his next move but I was taken by surprise when he turned me fast and lifted me in his arms.

I was thinking he was going to the bedroom but he crossed the living room until reaching the sofa. He put me down softly, but did not give me eough time to react, he went down on his knees, opened my legs and pulled me from behind of my knees until I reached the margin of the sofa, my butt half sitting on it, half being in mid air.

He saw my scarf on the chair next to him, and in a flash of inspiration, took it and put it over my eyes. Not a moment after, he opened my labia in search of my clitoris. And when he found it, he went for it, mercilessly with his lips and tongue.

From time to time he would slide into my vagina with his tongue just to tease me, then a finger followed and his second one, and I did not wait any longer and asked for the third, I needed him so much! I just let go of every thought and focused my attention on his every move, every sensation and tingle in my body.

I was almost on the verge of having an orgasm, I was breathing more heavily and I was pushing his head and grabing his hair and right when I was on top of the mountain, ready to fly away, he stopped. I was waiting for him to come back to it, but then he took off my scarf, looked me deep in the eyes and said:

– Don’t ever tease me like that again!

He then left back again to the office, leaving me to endure hour by hour and minute by minute the pain of wanting him and waiting for his return, but the wait was worth it. Nonetheless, it was in this wait that I ordered my very first vibrator.

Half Elf

The Astra Film Festival, screening documentaries from all over the world, is the one event I am waiting for, the whole year. This year, due to the pandemic, they have also an online event where you can watch at your leisure whatever chatches your attention. The festival ends this Sunday so you still have time.

And since I want to push myself to write more, I have decided that I will not watch another movie until I have finished writing about the previous one. And believe me, I really want to take advantage of what is left from the festival. It is the same with the books I read, I cannot start reading a new one until I have written a review.

The first movie I saw was my lovers’ choice and it is called „Half Elf” directed by Jón Bjarki Magnússon, from Iceland, released in 2020. In the movie, we can witness the last few months from a lighthouse keepers’ life, before his 100^th birthday, a story about life and our own mortality, about old age and finding meaning in life.

What I discovered is that Iceland has a really rich culture of songs, depicting life and all it has to offer. They sing when they have a family gathering, or meeting with friends, and I guess that these songs are passed on from generation to generation. They actually sound like viking folklore songs.

I was curious enough that I searched one such song that I really loved, I did not find that one exactly but I am leaving you with a similar one, so that you get a feeling of what I am talking about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwfI6nvCShI

And I think these songs contributed to the protagonists’ long life but also for his mental health. Remembering all those lyrics, memorising words is a good way to ensure you will still enjoy your mental capacity even at an old age.

I think singing gives us a state of wellbeing! At the beginning of the year, for the two months I was in quarantine, I moved with my parents and I had the fields to myself, with no other person in sight. And I would take my speaker with me and have a walk with my favourite music. And sometime, when there was a song that I really loved, I would sing along, from the bottom of my heart, as loud as I wished, since there was nobody to hear me.

And I had such an intense feeling of freedom, of self expression, of pure joy. It was definitely because of the nature, the green grass, the clouds, but also because there are few times when I found the context to let myself sing, with no barrier.

And I think that when we sing, we are in a relaxed state, and it contributes to our well being. And if you take the opportunity to sing with your family or your friends, like they do in the movie, it is such a good way to connect.

On one of the hiking trips, I was with my friends in the car, and each of us would choose a song, it was a marvellous time we spent, instead of being bored. And we enjoyed singing together too! I watched a documentary about music and how humans perceive it and connect with it. I think we all have music inside of us, it is a source of great pleasure for me.

The second aspect which caught my attention was the fact that Trausti, the main character, would often visit a place offering coffins, so that he would pick the best one.

For me, this activity is a way to accept the ending of our life and a way to process our own mortality. Like talking about death has the same effect. I think people try to push this topic so much, because of being afraid of it.

But I think that true freedom comes when we view death as a natural stage of life, and we are changing our fear into complete acceptance. Not ignoring death, but being mindful of it, releases us and makes us live more fully. There is nothing sure in life, except the fact that we will all die, sooner or later.

What still scares me though is actually old age. The pain of walking, the trembling hands, losing the hearing and not being able to see that much, especially to read. All the pains, the pills.

But I think I have this image because in Romania, we are only now putting the effort into leading a healthy lifestyle. So my take out of this is that I will be mindful about my choices and how I take care of my body so that I continue to enjoy good health even at an old age, if I am blessed with more days.

Lastly, I think Trausti, or Elf, as he tried to change his name before dying, actually lived so much because he had a strong purpose. He kept on saying that he wanted to reach 100 years, and he did.

Finding the will to live, having strong reasons to continue living are the key to a long life. I used to say that I want to die young so that I do not go through all the negative aspects of old age. Now, I want to live 100 years old, because I love life, and I want to enjoy from all it has to offer, as much as I can.